Redefining Blogging, Film Criticism and Life in General Ladies and Gentlemen, Your God...

For 15 years, The Juicy Cerebellum has been a thorn in the side of mediocrity. Our authors never pander to any studio, audience or clique. People may not agree with all that is said at this site, but we've found that they generally respect what we're saying. And if they don't? We could give a shit less. Upon being introduced to The Juicy Cerebellum, and its renegade style of writing, the majority of individuals (was that an oxymoron?) trust the site like no other.  We will never be bought off, we will never sell ourselves out, and we will never, ever lie to our loyal readers. The Juicy Cerebellum:  Redefining the Internet since March 14th, 1997.

02/12/14 Totally Juicy Review of Robocop (2014)!
Robocop Wants You! "Robocop is better than was expected out of a slick, PG-13 rated corporate monstrosity of a remake -- but just barely. For ten minutes or so, the movie has you fooled into believing that maybe they'll actually be able to pull the whole thing off. How, in 2014, can viewers (including your humble critic) still be so easily tricked?" Click for full review>>>
08/30/12 Rockin' Ranger Paul Ryan's Coded Convention Speech For Cunty Conservatives*
Fucking cocksucking piece of shit "Hopefully you've collected and sent in all 35 'Teabagger One Nutty Clusters and Assholes' boxtops and received your magic miracle Jesus decoder ring ('Teabagger One Nutty Clusters and Assholes' brand cereal and its parent company, General Shills, will not be held responsible for magic miracle Jesus decoder rings lost in the mail or simply not sent. Don't like it? Next time, read the Terms of Service! Jesus would.) .... Click here to find out the mother-fucking truth and nothing but the mother-fucking truth>>>
04/27/12 Witcher 2 vs. Witcher 2! Find out about the best game you're not currently playing!
Triss "Wait until you’re running from a fire-breathing dragon. Wait until you see the sun begin shining through the trees at dawn in the forest outside of Flotsam. The further into the game you get, the better the game looks. By the time you finish, you’ll look at your 360 and wonder if someone quietly replaced it with an Xbox 720 while you were away. The Witcher 2 is the best looking game on the console ..." Click to find out all about what you've been missing>>>
03/31/12 THIS is what RACISM looks like!
some guy giving the finger "Since the tragic stalking and slaughter of 17-year-old Trayvon Martin by paranoid gun nut, George Zimmerman, racists have needed to do and say racist things to prove that they are not racists. Since the Tea Party 'PATRIOTS' started marching in their adult diapers with signs like these ..." Click to read full VERY CONTROVERSIAL update >>>
01/25/12 Attack of the 13" Oscar! The Good, the Bad and the Ugly of the 84th Annual Academy Award Nominees!
Oscar the Grouch 2012 "The Academy realized their lame award show basically gets all its ratings from soccer moms living in flyover states. Middle-America soccer moms have been the audience the Academy caters toward for years. I expect an Adam Sandler movie to be nominated next. Or maybe just a 30 second fart joke as Best Short Film. Either that, or some guy hitting himself in the nuts. Middle-America loves that shit." Click to kick a sacred cow>>>
01/19/12 Review of, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
Girl with the Dragon Tattoo U.S. one sheet "When a Hollywood adaptation of the novel, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo was announced, moviegoers were justifiably skeptical. Two years earlier a well-liked film version was released with the actors speaking Swedish and subtitles filling the bottom of the screen. 'So, we're getting a remake because Hollywood doesn't think Americans can read?' snobby people asked in snobby threads on the Internet machine. First, this isn't a remake -- its an adaptation of a popular novel. Second, of course Americans known how to read, most of them just prefer not to when in a movie theater. There's texting to be done." Click for full review>>>
01/12/12 Review of, The Artist
Artist "The Artist is an old-fashioned comedy, trading between the heart-breaking and the joyous, but never losing its magic or its hope in humanity to adapt. In a strange way, it's not unlike The Matrix -- only this time the red pill transports you into the futuristic world of sound, rather than a cynical world of two increasingly abysmal big-budget sequels." Click for full review>>>
10/05/11 The Force is Strong With This One!
Star Wars Saga "Hands down the most comprehensive, entertaining, geekiest Star Wars' blu-ray review ever. Including Jedis, Sandpeople, huge boobs, Jar Jar and a really drunk girlfriend who stops giving a shit 5 drinks in! If you only read one review this entire decade, in this galaxy, this is the one to read. Also brings up lightsabers and hard-ons. It can't be topped! The Force is erect with this one!" Click for full review>>>
06/28/11 The Bullying Ends Here!
"Refusing to raise taxes on the richest 1% of Minnesotans -- which the GOP is currently doing -- doesn't help the budget. It doesn't help the people of Minnesota. It only helps Karl Rove, Grover Norquist, Charles Koch, Rush Limbaugh and other Ayn Rand-ian sociopaths who, to quote Michael Caine in The Dark Knight, 'Just want to watch the world burn.'" Click for full (and BEST in a couple of years) update!
03/17/11 Who Belongs in the Stocks Tonight?
Scott Walker, Hitler "Union busting cocksuck, Scott Walker is in stocks. He's the first to be there. Unfortunately, he won't be the last. Either way, throwing tomatoes -- even if they're fake, can be a good time. Let this prick know that we aren't going to stand for lawbreakers and a couple of old guys whose Koch he sucks!..." Click for full update!
03/02/11 The Good, the Bad and the Helghast: Killzone 3 & 3D boners!
Helghast - the ugly! "The 3D works well enough. Some parts are worthy of popping a 3D-induced boner. One section had me screaming out to my girlfriend, "Now THIS is what 3D gaming's all about!" Then I felt like a geek. A geek wearing $100 3D glasses. Thinking back on it, it's hard to believe she's stayed with me this long..." Click for full update>>>
02/22/10 With This Ring, I Thee Bed: Purple Penises, Pony-Tail Holders & Poetic Justice
Throbbing Cock "She spit, lubed, tugged and pulled until my dick felt like it was going to explode. Not in a good way. 'I think we're going to need a razor,' she said, after many failed attempts. Wanna know the last thing a guy with a pony-tail holder cutting his dick off from the rest of his body wants to hear? It would be, 'I think we're going to need a razor.' If love is a battlefield, sex is Guantanamo Bay ..." Click for full update>>>  
01/17/10 My Balls: The Update!
My Balls I realize 99.999% of males will ejaculate, go limp, grow erect and ejaculate again while reading this (my heart raced while writing the thing, and I lived it!). Don't worry ... it's natural.  A man, his impending boner, 45 inches of snow, his 70-pound garbage can, his woman and another woman who wants to spend 30 minutes with his nuts? How could this update NOT get you off? Click for release>>>
05/29/09 Review of, Drag Me to Hell!
Drag Me to Hell "Horror fans have been waiting for Sam Raimi to make this film as far back as Evil Dead 2. While it isn't quite the return to form many of us hoped for, it gets enough right to be worth the wait. It also reminds us how well Sam Raimi can work this sort of material." Click for full review>>>
05/29/09 Review of, Up!
Up "The first 20 minutes of Up are some of the most emotionally moving, beautifully directed moments in animated film. The last 10 minutes of the movie, while not as masterful as the first, are still "Up" there with the best of them. Unfortunately, the 60 minutes in-between feature a Pixar first: generic-itis." Click for full review>>>
05/22/09 Review of, Terminator: Salvation!
Christian Bale Naked Dick Penis "The unforgivably generic Terminator Salvation can be summed up in 3 words: Boring. Pointless. Gray. But why stop there when there's so much more wrong with the film?" ... Click for full review>>>
boobie "'Beers are for drinkin' 'til you fall down sick. And if the drinks are free, I'm all for that. So chug 2 gallons in a minute flat. Drinking sudsy water from a plastic cup - looking so pathetic, getting so fucked up. I hope we never run out of beer!'" It's the 21st Century version of 'So Fucked Up!' As catchy as alcoholism during 2-for-1 night at the pub and will stick in your brain until it atrophies from too much booze. As for the rest of the album ... Click for full song-by-song review>>>
05/07/09 Review of, Star Trek!
star trek "The movie doesn't bother catering to the snot-nosed crowd raised on text-messaging,  Michael Bay and Jerry Bruckheimer flicks. There's enough character and story development to send the ADHD gang back to texting tweets to their Twitter accounts ..." Click for full review>>>
04/27/09 Ronald McDonald Dead at 48
"In a press release issued today from McCholesterol Hospital it was announced that the famous corporate clown, Ronald McDonald passed away due to heart failure yesterday evening at 11:43 P.M. McMountain Time. Mr. McDonald's primary physician, Dr. Mac Nugget told The Juicy Cerebellum ..." Click for full shocking press release!
01/05/09 The 12th Annual Video Game Awards for Overweight Fat Fucks 
How did you waste your precious time and year? Click to find out how we wasted ours>>>
You'll notice your God is wearing a generic cardboard "Jason" mask, green Texas Chainsaw Massacre cap, Buffy the Vampire Slayer  T-Shirt and fine leather jacket — all necessary apparel for appropriately saving humanity.

We have no idea what he's doing with that oversized knife.  But it sort of scares us.

Email The Man Behind the Mask...
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